The Dance
by Elf Princess1
Summary: Post DMD-if season 3 never happened John thinks about Aeryn adn sings himself a song...before doing something please r


'And now, I'm glad I didn't know'

'And now, I'm glad I didn't know'

'The way it all would end'

'The way it all would go'

'Our lives are better left to chance'

'I could have missed the pain'

'But I'd of had to had miss'

'The Dance' 

The Dance

John sat in his quarters crying, again. He had lost count of how many times he had cried after she had died. It was hard for him to grasp, his Aeryn, his Sunshine, dead, gone, forever. He nestled his face farther into his legs, trying to hide his tears that would always fall. He prayed that Zhaan or Chi wouldn't walk in, he didn't want their sympathy now. It was too late for that. 

He stared at the cold locket in his hand; it was the locket Chiana had given Aeryn when she had smashed her prowler. He undid the clasp with shaky hands and put the necklace around his neck. At least this way he would always have some part of Aeryn with him, even if she weren't really there.

Thinking of all the time they had spent together brought a bout of tears to his already red eyes. "Aeryn… I wish you could have seen Niagara Falls, you would love it. The spray on your face, soaking you to the skin. Oh yeah, you would really love it." He paused, not sure who he was talking to. "I would have taken you to Marine World, so we could see the sea animals. You really would have liked Nascar Racing. It was awesome. Cars were going around the track at one hundred eighty miles per hour…" He was lost in thought.

He lay back on his bed and sighed. How long had it been, really, since she had died? He had lost track of all time and space. He pulled out the IASA recorder.

"Hey Dad, it's me. I know I haven't recorded anything for a while, but I haven't really been in the mood. That girl I told you about… Aeryn Sun, she died." Sobs wracked his body, but he continued. "She died and I believe it is all my fault.. Scorpius, he put something in my head. A chip of some kind. It made me see him wherever I went.

"Sometimes, I would have no control over my body, it was scary. On the day she died, we had been standing in the control room arns before she died. I kept seeing Scorpy in the mirror. She came in and we sat in silence. I told her I loved her. I still love her. Hell, I love her more than I ever loved Alex. She told me she loved me too.

"Sometime later, Scorpy had taken over again, and he was chasing Aeryn. He landed on top of her prowler and caused a hole… she ejected, told me she loved me again, and fell into the lake." He couldn't continue. He clicked the recorder off and his sobs filled the room. The door slid open. 

"John, are you alright?" He quickly wiped his nose and eyes before looking up. A concerned looking Zhaan stood in the doorway.

"I'm fine." He shuddered.

"No you're not. Tell me." He shook his head violently and continued staring at the locket. "John, there's something I must tell you. When we searched Aeryn's room, we found something, something she met to give you. We didn't open it, but instead we decided to wait to give it to you. I will bring it here if you wish."

John nodded, wondering what on Earth, er, Moya, it could be. Zhaan stood up and left the room. He listened to the sound of her retreating footsteps. He once again was lost to time. It seemed to be many arns later when Zhaan returned with a small package in her hands. She set it down and left, leaving John to be very much alone with his thoughts.

He lifted the package with trembling fingers and untied the baby blue ribbon he had once given Aeryn. A holographic recorder, and something else that was wrapped, fell out. The recorder started and an image of Aeryn appeared.

"Joh- John. If you are reading this, it means either I have left, or am dead. This isn't much, but I know how much it'll mean to you anyway. I am recording this so you will remember me. You once told me life is a Dance. I didn't really understand what you meant, but I think I now know. A dance is a special thing you share with someone. The only time I have ever danced was that one time with you on Moya, so I hold that memory very dear. Life is something special too, and you taught me that dance, the dance of life. You only live once. You told me I could be much more." The image paused. John felt the steady stream of tears rolling down his face. "Thank you John, for teaching me that dance. Thank you for everything. I love you John Cricthon." The image cut away.

"Aeryn." He whispered softly, reaching for the package.

He slowly untied it and was surprised to see a small model of Moya. He lifted it to his face and was very surprised. Inside it showed the positions of everyone on board the ship. A note fell out. It was scrawled in rough English and Sebecean.

'John, I found this in my room. I hope you like it.' He stared at it and turned it in his hands. He let go of it and it floated a few feet off the ground. He smiled, wondering briefly where Aeryn had found it. He lay back and suddenly remembered all the holo-pictures he had of Aeryn.

He walked over to a small chest that had a single blood red rose engraved on it. 'Fitting.' He thought. 'What with the blood and all.' He popped open the lid and took out many holographic recorders. Each one was like a picture. He vaguely remembered that one was an actual video.

The first one he took out was a picture of Aeryn that he had gotten when she wasn't expecting it. He face was mingled with surprise and anger, but she was smiling. He grinned and set it down on his bed, the gold sheets rustling like waves. He reached for the next one.

He flipped it on. It showed Aeryn asleep on Pilot's console. She was peaceful for once, not threatening to kill anyone, and Pilot was smiling. That was definitely one of his favorites. He set it down next to the other and turned off the lights so he could see them better.

He almost laughed when he pulled out the next one. Somehow, he had once convinced everyone to play Truth or Dare. Zhaan had dared Aeryn to take John's shirt off, straddle his waist, take a piece of fruit in her mouth, and feed it to him. D'Argo had gotten the picture. He loved it.

He finally got to the last one. It had to be the video, none of the others were. It clicked one. Static was all he saw at first, then it cleared and showed him backing away from the camera. Aeryn was standing in the background, looking very nervous.

"Crichton, you're nuts."

"C'mon Sunshine. Ya gotta know how to dance."

"What's a dance?" She was puzzled. Seeing these memories played out before him made him start to cry again.

"A dance is a special thing you share with someone, usually someone you care for."

"I don't-"

"Listen Babe. Life is like a dance. You only get one chance to enjoy it and if you make some wrong choices well, hell. We all do. Now, come here. I am going to teach you to dance." She stepped forward and he drew her closer.

"Now, you're going to follow me. Put one of your hands here, on my waist." She did so, but stayed as far way as possible. He shook his head and pulled her very close. He took her other hand and intertwined it with his. He put his other hand on her waist. "Aeryn, you can't be so tense. Relax and get closer to me."

John started to move in a slow circle. Aeryn looked frightened at first, but she soon relaxed and leaned against John's chest. They continue dancing until the video ran out. 

John sat against the wall, staring at the pictures. He had his IASA recorder in his hands, and a blaster next to him. He was sobbing.

"Hey Dad. Listen uh, this is gonna be my last recording. I really hope you get to hear this someday. I just wanted to tell you that the rattlers I had, and sometimes still have, I'll never have again. I know I was never your type of hero, but I hope I am still hero quality. Hell, maybe I'll be in a history book someday. I can't explain all the feelings I'm having right now, there's to many of them. I love you, I hope you know that." He set the recorder down, but kept it running.

He sighed and leaned against the wall. He started humming a Garth Brooks song that suddenly popped into his head. When he remembered all the words, he started singing. 

'Looking back on the memory of   
The dance we shared 'neath the stars alone   
For a moment all the world was right   
How could I have known that you'd ever say goodbye   
  
And now I'm glad I didn't know   
The way it all would end the way it all would go   
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain   
But I'd of had to miss the dance   
  
Holding you I held everything   
For a moment wasn't I a king   
But if I'd only known how the king would fall   
Hey who's to say you know I might have chanced it all   
  
And now I'm glad I didn't know   
The way it all would end the way it all would go   
Our lives are better left to chance I could have missed the pain   
But I'd of had to miss the dance   
  
Yes my life is better left to chance   
I could have missed the pain but I'd of had to miss the dance'

He finished the song and grabbed the blaster.

He raised it to his head and fought back another wave of tears. 

He pulled the trigger.

And then there was silence.

The End

'And now, I'm glad I didn't know'

'The way it all would end'

'The way it all would go'

'Our lives, are better left to chance'

'I could have missed the pain'

'But I'd of had to miss'

'The Dance'

'Yes my life, is better left to chance'

'I could have missed the pain'

'But I'd of had to miss'

'The Dance.'

Disclaimer: I don't own the Farscape characters, they belong to Jim Henson, you know the deal. So please don't sue me. No profit is coming out of this; it's for entertainment only. The Dance belongs to Garth Brooks and was used without permission in this story. Once again, no profit is coming out of this. It just went with the story.


End file.
